Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Sometimes It Just Sucks!

I'll probably be deleting this post by morning, but for now I am going to just vent a little and hopefully feel better.
I find being a mom to be so fun, at times rewarding,and often fulfilling. I may not be great at being a mom but I really try. I worry constantly about them. Am I teaching them to be kind, to be a good friend, to be honest, respectful, to have faith, a love of God, a good work ethic, etc.
And then I worry when I know I fall short. I haven't set a good example, I haven't held them accountable, I have been so overwhelmed I haven't been as good as I can be. I know that there are several things that I have fallen short on. No one needs to tell me this cause I feel the guilt daily as I pray for strength to do better, to be better.I know.
I have felt like I have really been on top of things lately. Clean house, meals cooked, laundry being done, we have been trying to have family prayer every night (big thing for us as we don't do it consistently), a new found commitment from Tony and I to be better parents. Live a life more in harmony with Christ's teachings. We are really trying here.
And here's the thing..I feel like even though we are trying we are failing! I see how one of mine is having a hard time, with honesty, and not having good friends, and not seeming happy. I have been worried and praying for this one.
And then there is Zachary.. here is my greatest worry. He is so disrespectful. To me. He has contempt for me.I am not sure how this has happened or why. he has become hardened.
We got into another huge fight yesterday over his swearing at me and his screaming when I asked him to take his stuff upstairs and then I told him he had to eat what I cooked for dinner. (you know~ Told him this is not a diner and I am not a short order cook)
So tonight at the football game his girlfriend and her mom came. And they sat next to us. And the mom was asking all kinds of questions. She wondered if he ate a lot and if he has grown a lot lately.
I told her in a year and a half he has gone from being a little taller than me to almost 6 ft. I told her he grew so fast he has stretch marks on his side.
After the game Zach was asking what we talked about and I told him. Know what he said? He said "Mom, you freaking a$$hole!"Yes, scream it and repeated it several times.
I'm sure you can imagine how the rest of the evening went.
So here I am in bed. And have been crying and feel like as much as I try I just seem to be failing as a parent. I feel like we are really starting to have problems here and it just keeps getting worse.
Man do I feel so discouraged.
So I am going to go to bed. And tomorrow I think I will feel better. And I will hope for some peace of mind and pray for guidance.
I am sure that this won't feel so awful then. And then I will need to delete this!


goingsome said...

He is just a kid growing into an adult and probably felt a little embarrassed at the comment. You didn't mean any disrespect, just stating the facts. You are doing a good job, though at times it is tough. He is at an age when things are hyper sensitive. It is a phase and eventually he will change, but not too soon though. The disrespectful language toward you will not be tolerated. He needs to understand that. It works both ways and you don't talk disrepsectful to him, right? Hang in there!!!!

The Northwest Bunch said...

You are a great mom dealing with a child that is going through growing pains. You have to remember the good that is inside him. He is just a teenage boy finding his place but there is no need for the language. I have a times with Mackenzie where I just have to close my eyes and say This to shall pass. We love you and if needed send him to military school.

Juli said...

I have been there! I know exactly what you are feeling! You need to know what an amazing mother you are. Your children will always remember how much you love them. You show them ALL the time.
Thankfully, Zach will grow out of this. You said just what I am feeling. Girl, write all this down and put it in a book. You will make millions! Seriously!
Love ya.

Amanda said...

teenagebuttholeitis, just keep remembering that and repeating it to yourself. he'll grow out of this.

sherry said...

I feel for you! WHat a pain! DOn't doubt yourself, you are a great mother. And sometimes Satan takes our strong times to make you feel like a failure. That way you will stop all of the new good habits you are creating. Kind of like when you are trying to go to the temple and everything goes wrong! Trust me, those people you think are totally "put together" are having these problems too.

Jim Proffitt said...

You and Tony cannot, cannot, cannot allow Zach to act that way. He may be getting bigger, but that is totally unacceptable.
Tell Zach that he doesn't want to make me come out there!!!

Shelli said...

I agree with Jim -- when did you give up your power? You ARE THE MOM! You do not have to earn respect day to day -- you earned a lifetime right to respect the day you gave birth to him.

Cell phones, hanging out with friends, watching TV, playing video games, driving (is he driving yet?), going on the computer, playing football, requesting errands from you -- all these are PRIVILEGES that you give to him, and they can very easily be revoked.

Here's how it goes in my house. Son: "Mom, I need you to pick me up some Gatorade for my game." Me: "Oh, really? Because a minute ago, I wasn't really happy with the way you were talking to me. It didn't make me feel like I really want to go out and do that for you right now. In fact, I'm not even sure I want to take you to your game tomorrow. Or share my computer with you tonight. Or my phone. Or my TV. I'm thinking the only thing I want to share with you right now is that portion of my house that is your room."

This is usually followed by an immediate apology. Because after all, they'll do anything to get what they want.

Another trick we do that you can adapt -- Every time he speaks disrespectfully (or start with just the swearing, if you want) to you, he gets a "no" day. It's just like it sounds; every time he asks for something, the answer is no. My kids hate it, but it works!

Hang in there, girlfriend! This too, shall pass -- but you don't have to put up with it while you're waiting!

Shelli said...

PS -- go check out cake wrecks today! Maybe you can get one of those for Zack when he's in one of his moods!

Mike, Suzann and Family said...

Zach does have a lot of good in him. We have all seen it; That being said... It still does not excuse his disrespectful behavior. You cannot tolerate that one bit. I love what Shelli had to say. I do similar things with my kids. I treat them the way they treat me. Eberly has been going through some grumpy phases lately. She will kind of play the silent treatment when I try and talk to her about what is bothering her. So, when she tries to ask me things I just give her one word answers. It seems to open her eyes and see how she is treating me. I know that is peanuts to what you are dealing with.
We will be thinking of you! We truly do hope things start to improve. You are a GREAT mom! Don't let any of this make you feel differently.
Mike says he will join your dad if needs be for a trip to Arizona! :)
We love you!

Mike, Suzann and Family said...

mike here- Lauri that is not acceptable behavior. I think he has forgotten that football is a priveledge. Mom and dad would never have let me play if I spoke to mom like that (plus dad might well have ended my life early). If this continues go to his coach and explain what is going on. Tell him that you are suspending him from football until further notice and ask that the coach not allow him to even dress out anymore. I guarantee the coach will have your back. Tell him that you will be contacting him personaqlly to let him know when zach can play and practice again. It might sounds drastic but he chose to disrespect you and he chose to do the wrong thing. Be strong and give him the appropriate punishment. Also no one ever is allowed to speak to my sister that way. I don't care who it is. He may not want dad to come out, but he REALLY doesn't want me to come out. I deal with turd teen agers t work all the time. I know lots of great punishments. Shelli was dead on by the way. Kids think they are entitled to all kinds of rights. zach has a right to food clothes and a bed. The rest is a luxury keep that in mind. Remember that I love you and believe in you. You are doing a wonderful job. Be strong and keep in mind that all football players are turds by this point in the season (speaking from experience). Just keep going it will pass. Love ya


Is this what I have to look forward to? Nightmare! I was reading an article this morning at the Dr.'s office. It was about bonding. It talked about what a bunch of manure the whole idea is that we fall in love at first sight with our kids. It said that we grow into that love as we get to know them and know how to meet their needs and understand their wants. It said that it is a process that continues as they continue to grow. Ever feel less than enamored of a screaming 2-year-old? It is normal. We all want to leave our kid in the parking lot when they are throwing a fit, then we feel guilty about it because we really do love them.

We all have kids that make poor choices. JR has been really rude to his teacher lately and lying about homework. Emma is the class bully and almost stabbed a kid with her pencil. The worst part - when the teacher told me - I almost burst out laughing. I was mortified in my little devil child! Kinda like your dog humping your home teacher. Ugh! Anyway, kids are not perfect and neither are we. We just do our best. I am sure you will work this out somehow. Zach really is being horrible. I am so sorry. Just remember that this is for your good. If you cannot see the Lord's purpose in these trials, it is simply because you are not the master artist. You are an apprentice. Keep up with the family prayer. Let the kids hear you pleading with the Lord in their behalf. Maybe it will soften their hearts. If not, at least you are not in this alone!

Brent Kynaston said...

Lauri, I remember having several similar conversations with my mother. At 33 years old I adore her and just about worship her. It will get better with time (at least hopefully within the next 20 years)! ;-) You're doing a great job and when you look back the joys and rewards will outweigh these experiences ten to one.