Remember that movie Postcards from the edge? That's a little how I am feeling! So close to the edge and it could go either way. It's been a weird, wild ride and I am thinking it's time to get off this roller coaster!
This pregnancy sucked. One of the worst. Hyperemesis. The Zofran pump, Trips to the hospital for IVs, Hospital stay, Placental abruptions, Bed rest,Polyhydramnios, Placental lake, biweekly NST's,biweekly bio physical profiles. Worrying about baby and what her health would be, house a mess, me a mess and the grand finale...a horrific labor. 23 hours! Sheesh!
And then I had her. This beautiful, perfect 5 lb 13 oz. sweetheart. Adelynn Marie Vidal. She is a angel. So good. What a relief to find that nothing is wrong with her. Nothing. What a blessing.
I am having a bit of hard time bouncing back, but it has only been three weeks and does seem to be getting better so I am hopeful. Postpartum depression nails me every time!
She had jaundice so we were having to get her blood tested daily. That finally resolved itself. And she stopped nursing. Completely for about a week so that involved so much time trying to get her to eat then feeding her a bottle then pumping. I was so tired just from feeding her. But with a nipple shield she is now nursing again.
Then I thought we were getting on track and I had this killer, I mean killer breast infection! What the heck? It kicked my trash. Felt like I was dying. And I found myself sitting in the shower, crying and praying asking are you kidding me? You REALLY thought I could handle another one? Is this your sense of humor? I think it felt a little like rock bottom. Sick, overwhelmed, things not improving but getting worse and feeling like a total sucky mom.
And yet today is another day. It feels much more hopeful. And instead of asking my Heavenly Father what the heck I find myself thanking him.Somehow things are getting better. It's a day by day thing.
My parents ordered me a bunch of Dream Dinners. And they sent some money for extra help around the house. I think they totally saved me!On Friday I had the cleaning girls here. And I was feeling better. Got a meal made early and sat down to a clean house, nice meal and all my little ones around me. And it felt a little like heaven. I thought you know when I have it together it is wonderful. Being a mom is what makes me happiest. Yes, crazy, but also so happy. It is who I am supposed to be.
Even my little Ethan who has been having such a hard time seemed to mellow that night! He helped me feed the baby, and when I got the camera out to take a picture of her he told me "Take a picture of me, take a picture of me! Cheese!" He NEVER lets me get a good picture of him. Never! So I even got this fabulous photo of my fun little guy.
So folks, even though I am on the edge and many, many times it felt like I was going over it, today I have faith that I will make it! Today it feels like I am actually enjoying the view at the edge!