Monday, June 14, 2010

Just Another Sunday

I always thought Sunday was supposed to be a day of rest. A day to renew your spirit. A day to bring you and your family closer together and closer to God. So if this is supposed to be the case then I have to wonder what exactly it is that we are doing wrong here! Cause I HATE Sunday's anymore. I seriously dread them. I start getting a sort of sick to my stomach feeling on Friday and by Saturday I am in full fledged dread mode.

My mouthy teen accepted a calling and it is important for him to be there. I am embarrassed every time he lets them down. I finally told the bishop I have to wonder why he felt inspired to call him to this cause it has become a huge battle and fight weekly.

I fight every single week with my kids trying to get them to church. I mean it becomes a screaming match with one of the mouthy teens telling me I am crazy. Certifiable. I should be put in a loony bin.And that he hates me.And still I can't make them go to church.

it seems like I fight with them and in the end I am fighting with my husband too.

Last week I finally had the family go ahead of me. I downloaded some lds music on itunes and I put it on trying to calm myself. I was in tears at this point.

I pulled myself together and made it to church.

Sacrament was as usual embarrassing. Yes, Ethan was his usual animal self, and the same ole people were giving us the same ole stink eye. By the time Sacrament was over I was emotional so I stayed in the chapel and pulled up conference on my iphone. I was reading a talk on mothering. It really hit home but also was making me super emotional. I was trying to hold it together when the bishop came over to ask how things were going and to tell me how well mouthy teen did on the trip I forced him to go on. I of course broke down sobbing. Nice humiliating moment! I told him I feel like my family is going to implode every week with the contention and fighting over church and at this point I am wondering why I am even there. I told him I had to go and I left church.

But after awhile I calmed down and thought I need to go back. Show my kids I think being at church was important. So I went to Relief Society. And it was good. Kinda funny cause the lesson was actually on the exact conference talk I had been reading earlier.

After church I went out to my car and the freak who hates me ( she's never spoken to me, she just hates me) was sitting in her car next to mine with it running.She was bending over biting her thumb. I waited and waited for her to go cause I had to put Adelynn in her car seat and I didn't want to be in her way. She didn't drive off so I figured she must be waiting for someone so I opened the door to put the baby in the car and this lady GUNS her car! She peels out of there. She almost hits me and my baby! If there had been a kid behind her car she would have killed it! Like what the hell???? Yeah... just another shinning Sunday moment! So once again I am thinking, what am I doing here?

This last Sunday Tony and I got in a fight before we even got started over something stupid! Over him taking the baby so I could sleep. I was so frustrated. And mouthy teen spent the night at friends house and promised to be home in time for church but didn't come home. Surprise, surprise, Sunday was just the usual Sunday.

So I decided I didn't have it in me. I was tired,cramping like crazy and just plain sad. So I did what I do best and I went to bed, and pulled the covers over my head and didn't get out of bed for most of the day. I didn't want to look at my husband, mouthy teen or the super freak at church. Worked for me.For this week anyhow!

So I am now sitting here trying to figure out why this has gotten so out of control and hard right now. I am seriously trying and things are the worst they have ever been when it comes to this. It has hurt my relationship with my son. It is causing me huge anxiety and frustration and sadness.

Somehow I am wondering why doing the basics is anything but basic for my family.


Amanda said...

i wish that i had something profound and comforting to say to you that would bouy your spirits... but i don't. I'm sorry that it's a constant struggle for you. I hope it'll get better and easier for you. Isn't mouthy teen going to be out of the house soon? That would be one struggle you can cross off! There I found something comforting to say!! ;) I love you!

:cassia marie: said...

sundays are hard. i never know what to make of them. when it's just me and my family, it's good. when you involve other people or going to the chapel, it's hard. bah. just keep praying and reading the scriptures. prayer is the best way to overcome the hard stuff. yeah, it's still hard. but you know someone is listening. even if it takes a while, He is still listening.

Dan and Jan said...

Just hang in there, that's the best you can do. Maybe it would be easier if you went to church for your own benefit, and made it optional for your kids. Tell them you are going to leave the little children home with them if they choose not to come. At least then you could enjoy it (if you can avoid crazy lady, that is!) Maybe they would feel some amount of guilt if you went and they didn't? I have no answers, only that you and I both know that Heavenly Father loves you, and loves your family and wants them at church. So hang in there!

RhondaLue said...

I have no wisdom for you. :( I am lucky enough that my kids don't fight to GO, it's just a fight to WAKE THEM UP but sometimes you just gotta do what you can. If that means leaving mouthy teen at home...??? I dunno if that is the right thing to do or not so I wouldn't judge you either way.

My kids are animals during sacrament. One sunday a weirdo behind us was getting on one teens case (which I didn't appreciate because that time that teen was innocent!) and I figure we have the worst, most irreverant family in the whole chapel. And sometimes, like lately, I haven't been in a few weeks due to being out of town, bad back, sick kids, whatever...and it's too easy to stay home and avoid people. Like, real easy. Especially when "people" have been on your nerves by being judgemental know it alls that really know nothing. MUST. KEEP. GOING. We can't quit! Ohh check my facebook because I have a message about not quitting that I'm about to post a video to. Made me cry cuz I related.

Shelli said...

Ah, Lauri, you are not alone. The reason it is such a struggle right now is because it's really important that you keep going, and Satan is doing everything in his power to keep your family from going. It must be especially important for mouthy teens to be there, since that is where the major battle is.

Yes, I get the same arguments from my mouthy teens, accusations that I'm "shoving religion down their throats" and "just pushing them further away" and making them "hate everything about church." And yet I keep right on doing it. And when I explain to mouthy teens why, I tell them because I believe it's what the Lord wants me to do, and I spend my whole life trying my best to do what the Lord wants me to do, and I'm not going to stop now. So suck it up and stop whining. But they don't.

And many times I wonder, why did I think I having kids was such a good idea?

Nutsonurse said...

It may seem weird coming from me, but here's my advice. Keep it up. Keep fighting. Keep fighting hard and dirty. The teen will fight, yell, claim they hate you, etc.

But someday, I promise you this, someday that teen will thank you, love you, and appreciate you for the mother you are. It's a weird transition, but it will happen.

And even if you don't think it's working, and you think your children are making mistakes, know that your struggle and your fight isn't in vain. That if you weren't fighting, it would be worse, much much worse.

So cry, yell, fight, have a pity party when you need to( that's my fav.), but don't stop.

You are making a huge difference, you just don't see the results yet.

I sure love you.