I always thought Sunday was supposed to be a day of rest. A day to renew your spirit. A day to bring you and your family closer together and closer to God. So if this is supposed to be the case then I have to wonder what exactly it is that we are doing wrong here! Cause I HATE Sunday's anymore. I seriously dread them. I start getting a sort of sick to my stomach feeling on Friday and by Saturday I am in full fledged dread mode.
My mouthy teen accepted a calling and it is important for him to be there. I am embarrassed every time he lets them down. I finally told the bishop I have to wonder why he felt inspired to call him to this cause it has become a huge battle and fight weekly.
I fight every single week with my kids trying to get them to church. I mean it becomes a screaming match with one of the mouthy teens telling me I am crazy. Certifiable. I should be put in a loony bin.And that he hates me.And still I can't make them go to church.
it seems like I fight with them and in the end I am fighting with my husband too.
Last week I finally had the family go ahead of me. I downloaded some lds music on itunes and I put it on trying to calm myself. I was in tears at this point.
I pulled myself together and made it to church.
Sacrament was as usual embarrassing. Yes, Ethan was his usual animal self, and the same ole people were giving us the same ole stink eye. By the time Sacrament was over I was emotional so I stayed in the chapel and pulled up conference on my iphone. I was reading a talk on mothering. It really hit home but also was making me super emotional. I was trying to hold it together when the bishop came over to ask how things were going and to tell me how well mouthy teen did on the trip I forced him to go on. I of course broke down sobbing. Nice humiliating moment! I told him I feel like my family is going to implode every week with the contention and fighting over church and at this point I am wondering why I am even there. I told him I had to go and I left church.
But after awhile I calmed down and thought I need to go back. Show my kids I think being at church was important. So I went to Relief Society. And it was good. Kinda funny cause the lesson was actually on the exact conference talk I had been reading earlier.
After church I went out to my car and the freak who hates me ( she's never spoken to me, she just hates me) was sitting in her car next to mine with it running.She was bending over biting her thumb. I waited and waited for her to go cause I had to put Adelynn in her car seat and I didn't want to be in her way. She didn't drive off so I figured she must be waiting for someone so I opened the door to put the baby in the car and this lady GUNS her car! She peels out of there. She almost hits me and my baby! If there had been a kid behind her car she would have killed it! Like what the hell???? Yeah... just another shinning Sunday moment! So once again I am thinking, what am I doing here?
This last Sunday Tony and I got in a fight before we even got started over something stupid! Over him taking the baby so I could sleep. I was so frustrated. And mouthy teen spent the night at friends house and promised to be home in time for church but didn't come home. Surprise, surprise, Sunday was just the usual Sunday.
So I decided I didn't have it in me. I was tired,cramping like crazy and just plain sad. So I did what I do best and I went to bed, and pulled the covers over my head and didn't get out of bed for most of the day. I didn't want to look at my husband, mouthy teen or the super freak at church. Worked for me.For this week anyhow!
So I am now sitting here trying to figure out why this has gotten so out of control and hard right now. I am seriously trying and things are the worst they have ever been when it comes to this. It has hurt my relationship with my son. It is causing me huge anxiety and frustration and sadness.
Somehow I am wondering why doing the basics is anything but basic for my family.