Missing My Hubby, And Question..Should I Worry?

Tony is in Vegas for the managers conference and I am missing him! He has really had to step it up around here helping me and now that he is gone I can really see how much he was doing! Dang!
I was kinda worried how I was going to do for almost a week on my own but it has been OK.

Before Tony left he cleaned my room so I'd have a clean place to hide out then the morning he was going to fly out he got up early and mopped the floors since I had gone to bed the night before complaining how gross it was that my feet were sticking to the floors in the kitchen! Nice. He said he just wanted me to feel like things were not out of control.

And my super sweet sister in law Janeal called last week and told me she had ordered me a bunch of dinners from Dream Dinners. How nice is that? I only had to go pick them up. They were already assembled. Can I just say I love this lady? Janeal~ You are the best!Thanks!
So I had a fresh start before he left. Clean house, and meals already prepared.
I guess I am going to survive without him after all. Funny when he is here some days I want to punch him in the face or send him out to the car to sleep ( relax..haven't done it yet..just a thought..) And now that he is gone I miss him like crazy. He really is my best friend and I love ( almost all of the time) being with him!


Lately though~

I worry my kids are feral at this point. Kinda animalistic! Want to know what the dictionary definition of feral is?
A feral organism is one that has escaped from domestication and returned, partly or wholly, to its wild state. See....they are sadly, sadly feral!

Here are some examples to prove my point~

They have resorted to scrounging for food. They no longer rely on someone finding their food for them, they have turned to the survival instinct in them and have found clever ways to get it themselves.

Their hair has become kinda wild and nappy.Almost matted like.

They seldom wear clothes. They have decided to go back to their natural state.

And they have decided to forgo dishes. Much more efficient eating and drinking off the floor.

See...My kids are now feral. Scary!Should I worry?

Time Flies...

Do you ever have those moments that you stop and think Dang! When did that happen? I find myself thinking that over Hannah lately! She has really matured and changed these past few months! Help...she's a teeny bopper now! When did this happen?

She used to like to watch spongebob, play with her sisters, and listen to kidsbop. Her pants were tight in the waist and long in the legs.She was content to stay home and play club penguin all day on the computer. She had friends at school but didn't socialize so much outside of school.She was a even tempered easy going kinda girl.

How is it that so much has changed so quick? First thing I noticed is her height! She may not be a dwarf like Rach and I! She has gotten really tall lately.She has really stretched and I think it makes her look older. She is no longer happy with Sponge bob. It's all about shows like Gilmore girls, a secret life of a American teenager,and what I like about you.Instead of the computer she talks on the phone all day. Often plotting for the sleepover she is planning. (Come on mom it's only 9 girls!)She has suddenly turned into a social butterfly! Can I tell you how happy I am that she finally has a lot of friends here? Yeah! It has been good for her.

Another thing? can you say moody? HELP! The hormones have taken over! Fortunately not completely. She hasn't gone into the fog completely yet!

Strange that all of the sudden I am struck with how quickly this one is growing up. I take comfort in knowing that One of the things I love about this girl is that although she is growing up she is still my sweet Hannah. Always concerned about me. Always willing to help out. Even with her growing up it is nice to know that she still loves her mama. At least for another year or so right?

Happy Valentine's Day!

One of my kids very favorite holidays is Valentines. Every year we have a tradition. It's a valentines breakfast. My mom did it for us every year too and I loved it so much so it is one I continued with my kids.
Mom always made heart shaped pancakes and cherry tarts. I am not good at making heart shaped pancakes so I bought a heart waffle maker and my kids don't like cherry so we make little cheesecake with strawberry topping.
The table was always decorated and she would put treats and a card from her. Sometimes she would include a little gift.
This year Hannah was gearing up early for Valentines. She would tell Bailey and Grace all about how exciting it is to wake up and find the table all decorated and breakfast cooking.
I had been buying paper plates, candy and stuff in advance a little at a time so I would be prepared.
Well this past week was pretty awful. I had a virus on top of being nauseous. I didn't get out of bed for days.
The night before Valentines I told Tony there was no way in the world I could go to the store to get the special food I needed nor did I think I could cook. He decided this year we would just have to change it up a little bit.
So on Valentines day we took the kids out to breakfast. I don't think we had all eaten out in months and months. I actually woke up feeling better and went with them. I even ate food for the first time in days and it felt so GOOD!
It was really nice but Hannah was SO disappointed. She said it just wasn't Valentines day for her. I felt like crap. Yeah, Mother of the year here. I think the thing that bugs me most about being preggo is the fact that it is so hard on everyone. The whole family is impacted and has to sacrifice. I feel so guilty.
So after breakfast and actually eating I had Tony drop the kids off at home and he ran me to the store. I picked up the rest of their Valentines gifts and then went to Papa Murphy's. They had heart shaped pizzas so I bought two of them. When we got home I had all the younger ones help me decorate
the table and kitchen and then they helped make cupcakes.(much quicker and easier than the cheesecakes!) Later we made pizzas. I was relieved. The kids were thrilled and Hannah felt like her Valentines day was salvaged! I didn't have to really do hardly any cooking yet they didn't feel jipped.
It's interesting how important traditions are to us. The kids just didn't feel like it was that special day till they saw that table decorated. Once It was done I sat back looking and it reminded me of how important those traditions were to me too growing up and I was grateful for them. They just seem to have a way of making you feel closer to your family and as you grow older and move away it helps you feel connected even when you are far apart!



I was grateful I was feeling so much better and was able to do it. The day was wonderful and I loved watching the excitement of the girls as they helped decorate and opened their gifts.

Tony was so sweet and wonderful

His only objective of the day was to make it special for me. Whatever I wanted he was willing to do to get it.
He was kinda short changed this year since I never made it to the store to pick him up something. I guess I'll have to make it up to him another time.
Tony~Thanks for everything honey! I DO notice everything you are having to do. Even if I don't say it! I love and appreciate you!

So, another Valentines day success!
I feel so relieved that I was able to pull that one off!

I hope you all had a wonderful one too!

Just Remember You're Not In This Alone.

I know it is probably irritating to read all the crap about me being sick, but hey~it is my journal too and I want to remember the good along with the bad.So I put it all down.



You know how sometimes people step up and seem to be there right when you need them? I have felt that way this past week. My prayers being answered right before my eyes.
My sweet friend Atalie has offered time and time again to take the kids for me. She now picks Bailey up everyday for preschool so I don't have to drive. The sweetest things she does? She tells me every time she sees me "just remember, you're not in this alone!" Today when I phoned her to let her know Bailey didn't need a ride today she said those words again and I knew it was true!
The past few days have been ugly. I have some kind of virus and it is not good. On Tuesday Kiran and another sister from the ward brought over dinner and Kiran let me know she was taking the kids the next day.Kiran came and picked up Grace and Ethan at 8 am.Can you say HUGE blessing? When she got here I knew I was in trouble. Fever. Chills. uncontrollable vomiting again. Ugh. So Bailey was sick so she stayed in bed with me and we went back to sleep. I slept until 11:45 when she brought them back. Ethan was so tired I put him to bed for a nap and the girls crawled into bed with me to watch cartoons. They didn't make a peep and I was able to sleep until my older ones got home from school. I stayed in bed the whole day and most of Thurs too.
By 4:30 today I checked my weight and key tones and had lost another 2 lbs and my key tones were +80. Not good. I knew if I got up I wouldn't stop puking so I lay on the couch worried. Tony had been at work since 4 am and the older ones were complaining that there was no food to cook.I knew I was on the edge and couldn't cook.Then the phone rang and it was a sweet sister from the ward. She just wanted to let me know she was bringing dinner by and would it be OK if she were here in a half hour.
Now I'm crying like a baby as I am writing this cause this past week people have been so kind. Doing laundry, meals, helping with the kids. And I didn't have to ask. In fact I didn't tell anyone what a hard time I was having. They just showed up. Umm can you say prayer works?
So Atalie, I would have to say I agree, I am not in this alone! Thanks to people like you and my Heavenly Father.
And for everyone who has done so much Thank you, Thank you!

Is it Nature Or Nurture? I Don't Know, I Am Just Glad They are Mine!

Have you ever heard those debates? What makes a boy a boy or a girl a girl? I always thought it was both. However with Ethan I am thinking maybe they are just born that way! He shocks me right now with how "Boyish" he is! I don't remember Zachary being like this. This kid is freakishly rough and tumbly!
When he is angry what does he do? Head butt. You, the floor, the couch, whatever he can as hard as he can and for as much as he can get away with before he is stopped or practically head injured. And his voice is so dang raspy. And he climbs. Everywhere. Like a freakin monkey! I am contemplating tying him up at night so he can't get out of that crib! And I don't know how to keep him out of sinks and toilets! Let me tell you a kid in a toilet when you are queesy..not a good combo!
One of my favorite things he does? He tries to take on Zach. All the time. It's like he is challenging him! He jumps on him, yells at him, tells him to shut up for no reason ( I know it's not so nice but sometimes it is kinda funny!) He likes to wrestle him. He just loves, loves to mix it up with him.One of my least favorite things he does? Repeats my swear words! Nice!
I find myself amazed watching him lately thinking dang he is so different from these girls. He is already bigger than Grace and he weighs only 3 lbs less than Bailey!If he gets hurt, usually he say ow! and rubs the spot he hurt and then is off again. And he only likes to snuggle on his terms. He will be playing and running full speed and then stop come over give me a hug or kiss then is off again!
I know I say this all the time but I am always amazed at how much I enjoy the differences in each of my kids. I love the unique little spirit each one possess. And I am having so much fun watching this little guy as he learns new things and stretches his wings!
I have just been so conscious of how much he is changing lately and have enjoyed it.

Today I had a Dr appt again and before I left Ethan was doing crazy little tricks to make me laugh.once I would laugh he would put his hand to his forehead and cackle like it was the funniest thing he had ever done. He was just being crazy. I left with a smile and thought of him throughout the appt. I had another sonogram today and The baby didn't like it and was doing somersaults to get away from the pressure they were putting on me. I was amazed that at such a early stage I could see the little hands and feet and could see the fingers opening and closing.I didn't realize they could move like that at such a early stage and it was kind of amazing to me to watch it. I had this feeling of gratitude come over me and I thought of my little guy Ethan at home and the others and thought of how unique each one is and what a blessing they are. I had this feeling of kind of excitement thinking I can't wait to get to know this little one too. It was a strange moment. Almost like a acceptance that this lil one will be special too. I think I finally felt grateful for this one to be joining our family.It was a good kind of change of heart.
Not sure if this makes sense and I'm not sure if I even expressed the jumbled up thoughts in my head but I just feel a need to show a little gratitude.Maybe there is a greater plan in store for us and my Heavenly Father knows what is best.Plus, we ARE promised we will not be given more than we can handle right? So maybe baby #7 isn't a going to be the death of me after all!
Besides, I have my mantra...Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.Man kids movies are really deep sometimes!

I'm So Proud!

As I have been posting and catching up on reading blogs I had my play list playing in the background. The kids are dancing to it and having fun.
Bailey walks up to me and gets right in my face all serious like and tells me "mom I finally know what I am going to be when I grow up!" Wow she is so smart! Already knows what she wants to be!
What is it I ask? She replies "A Pussycat Doll"
I'm so proud!

Is Relief In Sight???

Man I hope so. Stick a fork in me. I think I am done! Cooked!

After my Dr appt last week things kinda went downhill. Couldn't stop puking. Went to the ER on Wed night and had IVs and meds. Felt better for about half of a day.

Then it got ugly. I couldn't stop puking at all. Non stop. It got so I couldn't even stand without getting dizzy and feeling like I was going down.

Sunday night I finally called the Dr and they told me to go to the ER again but I couldn't stand the thought. Hours of waiting and smelling all the smells in the room. So I tried waiting till Monday and headed into my Dr's office.

They weighed me and I had lost 8 lbs in 6 days and was a wreck. They sent me to the ER right then. The ER started IV's and took labs. The labs showed I was in a bit of trouble so they admitted me to the hospital for a few days.

It was actually kind of nice. They kept me drugged up real good and for the first time in weeks I actually felt better! I couldn't eat anything still but I was feeling OK. And I had the nicest charge nurse the first night. She came into my room at night when she started her shift and sat on my bed. She asked me if I was LDS (was it in my charts?) and I told her I was. She told me she was the relief society president in her ward and if I were in her ward she would make sure that they cared for me and helped me so that it would be easier. She said she wanted to get my relief society pres name and number and said she thought it would be nice to call her and explain that I really need help. She made me weepy. She totally got how dang hard this is. I told her I don't really think there is anything the ward can do but she was so nice telling me I needed help when I got home if I was going to be able to carry this baby.She said she thought even with the pump I was going to have a uphill battle. I have to say I just appreciated the compassion. I felt so exhausted emotionally and physically and It was nice to have someone understand that I am having a hard time.

Fortunately my DR said she wouldn't let me go home until I had some kind of home care in place. So the hospital went to work getting my insurance to approve the pump. The insurance said they would and assigned me a nurse to follow my care. That night the hospital told me I couldn't be released because the insurance wouldn't pay the cost of the pump. I freaked. The hospital was trying to set up critical care at home that would give me IVs nonstop until I delivered.Ummm..so not going to happen. I called the nurse the insurance assigned to me and was hysterical and explained I have 6 kids at home and being on IVs for the next 6 months is not a option. It is no quality of life. I also pointed out that it put me at risk for infection .So I told her I wanted the names of everyone refusing to pay what Matria charged so that I could hold the insurance liable if anything should happen to me physically or mentally.

She told me she would look into it and magically the next day they approved the pump!

So after three days I finally got to go home. Matria came out yesterday and set up the pump and I am good to go. The DR ordered IVs five days a week, but I have declined. Who can function like that? Dang!

Today I had a phone call from my Visiting teacher and she is a nurse. I am not sure even what to say to her. She seems to think that since I have the pump I am like my old self. When I explained it keeps me out of the hospital but I am sick all day long still she kinda blew me off. told me I should be just fine now so she was going to call her companion to schedule a time to come over. I don't want people over when I feel like this. I still puke. I still feel sucky. I'm not sure how to explain to her that it is not all roses. I always feel like I come off as a bitch to my VT when I don't want them over if I am having a hard time. I HATE having them tell me how I should feel when I am pregnant.

Have I mentioned how much I hate being pregnant? Oh.. and I had someone tell me my attitude was all wrong~ It was appalling. So..I would just say I do not feel this baby is not a mistake. It may not have been planned but it is not a mistake. I love every single one of my kids and feel they bless my life.But. I hate being pregnant. Every single minute of it sucks. And I am a baby and a whiner. A big complainer. And I will be until the day I deliver. If I bother you, just stay away. I get over it. In about six months....

And I do feel a little better!Good news???? the pump. Maybe relief IS in sight!